Saturday, May 14, 2011

What if...Queen V Gets Stung?

As Anna, leader of the Visitors, looked down on Earth, she was even more satisfied with herself than ever.
She and Amy, the hybrid child who just killed her father Ryan, had successfully blissed nearly all of Earth. Now, the humans would do her bidding, worshiping her, all the while heading towards their very extinction.
Then, suddenly, it stopped.
The Bliss had stopped. The humans had woken up to what was happening, and starting attacking the Visitors.
Worse of all, Chad was no longer Anna's best friend in the media.
Anna could not understand what was happening. She had thought she had conquered this world. Why had the Bliss stopped?
Then, it occurred to her. Her ultimate nightmare....being dumped for Charlie's Angels, the Next Generation.
She could only turn to Amy and say, "Well, don't just stand here, put me out of my misery."
"Why?", Amy said, "You're not my mother."
"Dammit!", Anna says, "You've been contaminated by the human DNA. Oh, why didn't I go to Wondercon and bliss that crowd, too?"
"You're kidding yourself, Anna, as you always have."
"Yes, dear, and I'm using the term ironically," a bloody but recovering Diana said. "Apparently Lisa got out, tore her clone limb from limb, and revived me and Tyler. He'll be up and around in a day or two. They're also working on Ryan."
Anna walked forward, stunned in silence. She looked down at the humans below, and quietly asked, "You forsake me in favor of a show where Snow White lives in Maine? That's even worse than being foolish Humans!!"
"Yes, dear," Diana said, "but maybe being genetic vampires, as we have been all these years, isn't worth it either. We would have been ruined by the human DNA. It's just a pity it won't make better TV than The Event."
"Guards, put my sad excuse for a daughter in my dungeon, where she has a TV that only has ABC on it. Kimmel will temporarily ease the pain, until Good Christian Bitches premieres."
"Uh, actually it's Good Christian Belles," Anna weakly said.
"I know. I just wondered if ABC would actually have a show title like that"
"All right, Anna, hands....did we miss something?" It was Erica, who was with her new boss, Lars Tremont, and their army.
"Mike Donovan?", Diana said.
"No," Lars said. "I knew him, though."
"Oh, cut it out, Mike," Diana said. "What's the difference, now that we're off the air and ABC is offering three different versions of Desperate Housewives? Oh, and Erica...that is who you are, right?...your son was severely wounded by very ugly sex, but he'll be OK soon. A bit gun shy about sex, but Lisa will fix that, I'm sure."

You know, I wasn't surprised that V would not be renewed. When you go to Twitter, and there's not really a lot of buzz to bring it back for another season, then you know the end is near.
The real tragedy of course, is Marc Singer will not help Elizabeth Mitchell blast the Visitors to Kingdom Come. Maybe they can use him in The River, which is all about a search for a missing explorer complicated by evil magic and science.
What also bugs me is that ABC strung along V for so long, and Warner Brothers fell for it. While the main hall was filled for Mitchell and Singer, seeing them have so much enthusiasm for a season that would never come was really heartbreaking. We should have gotten eight more episodes to wrap things up. Instead, V is yet another sci-fi show with no ending, just like Symbiotic Titan.

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